Fifteen years ago, at age 37, after waking up in the hospital minus my left breast, I sobbed with despair, certain the loss of my left breast meant the end of intimate relationships. Lying in the bed with a stitched up lop-sided bump covering the hunk of metal in my chest, I was convinced that no one, not even my partner of 4 years, would ever WANT me again.

And yet here I am sharing my photos all over the internet as part of Swim Suit Confidence Week (and the launch of Lands’ End new mastectomy swim suit line).  What’s changed?

Fifteen years ago, looking at the incisions and the scars I knew they would leave, first alone, and then with my partner, was harder than I ever imagined.

I didn’t fully believe his reassurances, but I felt a tiny spark of hope. He pressed me, asking “Would you reject me if I was the one with cancer?” Later that night, in the dark, silent, I reached for him and we made love for the first time. I felt a teeny tiny spark of confidence.

Having someone else accept me, rather than reject me, reduced my normal, natural feelings of despair, hopelessness, self-doubt, embarrassment, and anxiety that can come with the physical and emotional scars of breast cancer. It served a valuable purpose.

It was also dangerous, as I found out three years later when we parted ways, after he finally admitted he didn’t find me attractive anymore.

Single again, my confident energy shifted instantly to doubt, anxiety, and the overwhelming urge to hide myself from the world. All of my old fears returned with a vengeance.

As it turned out, his parting gift to me was his question, “Would you reject me if I was the one with cancer?” asked the first time he saw my scars. As I remembered my resounding “No,” I asked myself a new question. “Then why would you assume that everyone will reject you now?”

This led me to more questions that I encourage every breast cancer survivor to consider.

• How many confident people do I know that are not perfect physically? What makes them confident?
• What do I really need to feel confident with myself? What beliefs do I have that don’t make me feel confident?
• What must I have in my relationships with others? What don’t I want?
• Will I let other people’s opinion or judgment keep me from living my life to the fullest? What do I gain from this choice?
• What made me brave enough to go through cancer? How can I use this to my advantage now?
• What is the first thing I can do now to increase my confidence?

These questions shift your focus from what you can’t control to what you can. They fan the flame of confidence that comes from inside, rather than from someone or something. The kind of confidence that stays with you when you stand naked in front of the mirror.

Fifteen years after losing my breast I’m standing at the full length mirror on my closet door. I pause for a long look at myself before I take off my new mastectomy swim suit. “Love the big smile and the way you’re standing so tall and proud,” I enthused, “You’d never know I’ve only got one real nipple and boob, let alone scars, tummy bulges and dimply thighs."

I took a deep breath, preening. Then I stripped off the suit and looked again, and my smile got bigger. “I FEEL GOOD about the way I look,” I exclaimed.

I can live with that.

Fan the flame or light the spark of your internal confidence with a free 30 minute telephone consultation. Call 954-565-6894 or email paula@WhatsNextForMyLife.com to schedule yours now.

 ###

“If I can do cancer I can do anything,” became breast cancer survivor Paula Holland De Long’s rallying cry 15 years ago. Her own battle inspired What’s Next For My Life? ™ Inc., her survivorship life coaching company that has given thousands of cancer patients confidence and tools to take back control and live happier, healthier lives during and after cancer. Her one-on-one coaching, workshops, and courses are done over the phone with participants from around the country, and are also offered at cancer treatment centers and support organizations. Visit www.WhatsNextForMyLife.com for more info.

How many of you put everyone else’s needs, wants and desires first?  Without getting your answers, I can bet it’s the majority of us!  I find this with every group of women that I talk to or work with.   It’s just who we are!   

There are many ways to get your ME time, and I am going to share a few that are really simple and that either I do or other amazing women have shared with me.  The real key is to be aware that you deserve this time and focus on how to get it.     

• Quiet time - take 5:   Sounds easy and simple, but it’s not.  Find 5 minutes that you can truly have your quiet time.  This means to stop “doing” and to switch to just “being. Here are some suggestions:
  • Don’t go over your to do list for the day or what you need to do at work
  • Listen to your favorite songs
  • Focus on a place that relaxes you, I go to the beach
• Mediate:  I always thought that meditating was such a time consuming activity, and that I certainly did not have time to do this.  I found out that this is not true.  There are stats that say 10-15 minutes of meditation bring huge physical, mental and spiritual benefits.   Some easy ways to mediate:
  • Breathe   – deep breathing slows the heart rate, relaxes the body and helps focus your mind.  Count your  breaths
  • Feel your body  - Start with your feet, and the slowly move up your body
  • Guided meditation – there are so many great ones available,  check them out
• Spa Services:    When I take the time to get a massage, facial, manicure or pedicure, it just makes me feel special and pampered.  It’s the ultimate ME time.  However, I often hear, “I can’t afford it, it’s too expensive and/or I don’t have the time.”  Here are some suggestions on how to make that work: 
  • Search Groupon and other coupon offerings for deals.   My dear friend and I just had one of the best massages ever, and it was $25.   
  • Ask for gift certificates for spa services for your birthday and other special occasions.   My family and friends are very happy to do this. 
  • Make it a party  and get your girlfriends to go with you.  Now you not only have ME time, but time for a celebration!   

These are just a few quick and simple ways to implement time for you. There are many other really cool ways to put some time for you  back into your life.    Find the ones that work for you and then focus on adding them to your day.    Please don’t strive for perfection, remember that we are all “work in progress”.

I am asking you to add 5 minutes of ME time, a few days a week, and you will notice a huge difference.  If you keep it up for 21 days, then it will become a habit! YOU DESERVE IT!

Please let me hear from you on what is working for you and what changes you are seeing.  This would be great to share with the group.   Please leave your ideas and your comments.    

I would love to work with you and find out how I can design a customized coaching program that exactly fits your needs and develop a plan for your personal and professional success.   I look forward to hearing from you.   Please contact me at darlene@darlenetempleton.com

http://darlenetempleton.com/coaching/individual-coaching/

About the Author: 

Darlene Templeton, the transformation and transition coach and leadership expert 

Darlene Templeton is the CEO and founder of Templeton & Associates.  She is a corporate “escapee”,  a professional coach, speaker, and author.   She specializes in transformation and transition specifically for those who want to make a greater impact personally and professionally while rekindling their passion and drive for life.  Darlene engages, inspires and empowers women  who are overworked and overwhelmed, helping them to put more time back into their lives, so that can do the things that they truly  love.

Darlene lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, John.  She loves spending time with her family and her four grandchildren. 

Exercise is not just about aerobic capacity or building muscles. It actually has even greater benefits for your energy, mood and even brainpower.

With regular mild to moderate exercise you can improve your life by;

1. Easing Stress and Anxiety- Exercising regularly helps to take charge of the reduce stress and anxiety. Aerobic exercise releases hormones that relieves stress and promotes a sense of well being.
2. Boosting Energy- Increasing your heart rate several times a week will give you more up and go. Start off with a few minutes of exercise each day and then build up to more and increase your workout when you get more energy.
3.  Lifting Your Mood- Exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as an antidepressant medication. Exercise releases endorphins, powerful chemicals in your brain that energizes you spirit and makes you feel good.
4. Sharpening Your Brainpower- The same endorphins that make you feel better, also help you to concentrate and stay focused on the task at hand. Exercise also stimulates the growth of new brain cells and helps prevent age related decline.
5. Improving Self Esteem- Regular exercise is an investment in your mind, body and soul. When it becomes a habit you begin to develop a sense of self worth and empowerment not to mention, you’ll feel better about the way you look!  

What if you don’t like to exercise or don’t  have time to exercise?          

Just like anything else in life; you have a choice to make. You need to choose to make exercise a part of your daily life.

If time is your concern, even short low impact exercise can act as a tool to refuel your health. Even something as simple as walking your dog for 15 min. can have a huge impact.

If you feel that you’re too tired to exercise; Great news, regular exercise is an incredibly powerful tool that can significantly reduce fatigue and give you more energy.

If you typically don’t enjoy exercising; find ways to make it fun. Just about everybody can find a physical activity that they can enjoy even playing active based video games with your kids counts. Try classes at your local gym to see what you might enjoy.

If your concern is that you might get hurt or it’s too challenging consider this; exercise does not have to hurt to be effective, the old saying “no pain no gain” does not have to apply. You can build your strength and stamina simply by walking, swimming, golfing, or even cleaning the house.

Remember, it’s never too late to start building your strength and physical fitness even if you’re a senior or a couch potato, who has never exercised before. Exercise is a proven treatment to heal many diseases form diabetes to arthritis. Very few health or weight problems make exercise out of the question (Although, it is always a good idea to check with your physician to get the ok)

For example: As a professional Pilates Instructor, I currently am working with many individuals who have specific injuries that are overcoming or even recovering from surgery (even breast reconstruction); Where I customize a specific workout based on their individual needs. To find out more go to: Personalized Pilates DVD

The key is to commit to doing some moderate physical activity every day. As exercising becomes a habit, you can slowly add extra minutes or more challenging workouts. Once you start experiencing the incredible benefits that exercise has to offer such as; your physique improving, more energy and more at peace; that will motivate you each day to continue.

 I wish you the best on your fitness journey to assist you on your journey; I would like to offer you a special gift along with a bonus gift; 

1. Megan's Super Simple Exercise Tips to assist you in getting a jump start on your fitness goals.

2. Bonus gift- Subscription to my bimonthly newsletter "The Purpose, Passion and Prosperity Journal". It includes valuable bimonthly articles that offer tips on the following topics; health, fitness, wellness, personal growth and business success; to assist you in living your purpose with passion and prosperity! 

Click here: Megan's Exercise Tips to receive your gifts.

Enjoy!

About the Author:

Megan Tull "The Transformation Coach"

Life and Wellness Coach/Pilates and Fitness Expert

  Megan is a wife, a mother, entrepreneur, public speaker and author. She owns two companies, Silverlining Concepts, LLC and Ultimate Bodies Pilates. She is a Life and Wellness Coach and Certified Peak Pilates Instructor/Fitness Expert. She customizes personalized packages to assist women in transforming their mind and bodies. Her specialty and her passion is to empower women with individual and group Life and Wellness Coaching to live authentic, joyful lives focusing on selfcare life balance and life purpose. Megan's website

I am sharing a small but important story from my breast cancer journey in the hopes that it can help fellow travelers in making good decisions along their path.
I had decided to have a double mastectomy. Like the majority of bc patients, I was to have a nuclear medicine study that would allow the surgeon to remove the sentinal node for cancer testing. This was to be done the morning that I was scheduled for surgery. I was informed that the needle inserted into the nipple would be painful. I asked if I would be sedated during the procedure, and was told no. My response was, “Well, we'll see about that”.
I spoke to my surgeon and requested to be sedated for the procedure. His answer was “Well we don't normally do that, but I don't see any reason why we can't, discuss it with the anesthesiologist.” The morning of the surgery, I discussed it with him and he had the same response as my surgeon. As soon as my surgical IV was hooked up, I was given some sedation.
The crying, shaking and acute anxiety I had been experiencing all morning immediately disappeared. I went through the nuclear med study with no pain or discomfort and remained euphoric for the next several hours until I was taken in for my surgery.
I hope this anecdote helps other women to : inform yourself about EXACTLY what procedures you will be having and what is involved. Think about what will help you get through it, and ASK for what you want. Most doctors will be very amenable to helping you get through this process as easily and stress free as possible. It makes their job easier as well. Be an INFORMED and PROACTIVE ADVOCATE for your health care!

Get to know our own Beyond the Boobie Trap Member Karen Meyerson: 

was born and raised in Brooklyn NY and for over a decade have lived in rural Minnesota,
I am a Mom of two grown children, wife, sister, friend and companion to two dogs and two cats. I was a clinical Social Worker for over 25 years. I now volunteer for my local animal shelter. I am an advocate for animal rights and universal health care. Yes I was a child of the sixties and still a "hippy". I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer from a routine mammography in Jan 2011. I opted for a bilateral mastectomy, no reconstruction .I am not a religious person but do pursue spirituality and natural healing and living. Of course I avail myself of western medicine, it saved my life, but adjunct natural methods have enhanced my journey. I am filled with gratitude for my family and friends, my good health insurance and health care and every day that I am blessed with good health.Affordable and accessible health care for all Americans is what I hope will come to be in my lifetime! Oh yes, and no more homeless pets! Adopt, Spay and Neuter!

If you have ever been around a newborn, you know they coming into this world with their own personality. I believe we are born with our behavioral style - how we interact with the world. Do you love being around others? Do you prefer to think through problems on our own? Are you easy going? Do you have a flash temper? Are you fearless? Are you scared of new things?

My girlfriend has three grandchildren, all three year old girls. They are so incredibly different that on Christmas morning a year ago, they all went to their own Santa’s presents. No arguing, no envy, no issues. Why? Because they got what they individually preferred.

Are you in a job you focused on your strengths? Do you really enjoy it and the people you are around all day? OR… are you tired, exhausted and dread it?  Do you have a conflict with your job? We can all do things that aren’t our favorite some of the time. But when we have a significant emotional event in our lives - death, divorce, diagnosis of cancer - our natural strengths and weaknesses come to tumbling to the forefront.

You see, your job has it’s own preferences. What kind of person does it want or need? A detail person knowing what is expected, and following the guidelines? Outgoing, talking to people all day? A quick decision maker? Complex analysis of data? When you are in a job that needs something that is not your natural strength, it might create undue stress for you. Such as, a good, loyal team player that likes to finish something before moving to the next task and sees the phone as an interruption whose job needs them to answer phones all day.

Our fast paced society, very focused on the bottom line, has increased the expectations for employee work loads. The health care industry is a prime example. Overall this industry attracts people that hate conflict, want to help others, likes to complete each task before going to another, enjoys knowing exactly what is expected so they can do it right the first time. Health care is seeing a faster burnout rate that ever before because not only has our society gotten faster, but multi-tasking with constant interruptions is expected to be a strength. This is NOT a natural strength for what the job called for in 1975 and generally is not the natural for a care giver. The burnout rate has accelerated tremendously.

Having to act behaviorally outside of our natural strengths for hours every day, day after day puts us,  statically, at risk for illness or an accident. It is like using battery power all day and our battery is wearing out. On your cell phone after a while it needs to be recharged more and more frequently. Are you recharging yourself enough? Is your daily environment, at work or at home, giving or subtracting from your bank of energy?

Do you love to solve problems, have a fear someone might take advantage of you, like to sit with your face to the door, can be very direct with what or how you say something and probably have a quick temper? Then you need physical exercise to get rid of that stress, even better if there is some competition to it.

Are you outgoing, love to talk, want to please others so they will like you, talk with your hands, take things personally or get emotional pretty easily? Then you need to talk out your problems. You need a good listener because you will sometimes solve your own problems just as you talk them through.

Do you prefer to finish a task once you start it, plan your day, work your plan, like a routine, are a good team player, workplace security, tell things on a need to know basis and like others to leave your personal items alone? Then you need time to do nothing, to “veg out” and warm or hot water such as a hot shower, bubble bath, or hot tub will be very good for you to replenish your energy, too.

Is your style more about analyzing data, feeling comfortable knowing and following the rules, liking a very organized space, avoiding mistakes, think that others are too emotional, and hate when people eat in your car? Then you need alone time. Yep, all alone. Time to think or work on a project, or read, or just be.

Are you loving your job? No? Really tired at the end of the day? Tired before the day starts? Identify what you need (above) and start making sure you put it into your routine every single day to lower that stress level.

Barbara Metzger provides valuable career advice and testing to help you find your skill sets.After major life change such as disease many find it necessary to change course and create change in their position but are unsure how to go about it. Barbara helps you do that. Contact her at : Barbara@maxproductivity.com

“I’m totally stressed out; I wake up at 2 a.m. terrified my cancer will come back; and I think I’m seriously depressed,” my new client said hesitantly, with tears in her eyes. “I finished chemo over six months ago and every day I tell myself I’ll feel better and I don’t. I should be grateful just to be alive,” she broke into sobs that lasted several minutes, and then raised her head.

I burst into applause. She looked at me like I was crazy.   

“It takes a lot of courage to say your deepest fears out loud. It’s a lot easier to bury them or pretend they don’t exist. How long have you been carrying this fear and stress around with you?” I asked. “I’ve felt it since my diagnosis.” Sigh. More applause from me. Her shoulders go back as she sits up straighter.

“Take a deep breath. How’s your stress now?” “Better,” she said, surprised. Then smiled. “MUCH better.

 I feel like I’m taking charge of my life instead of just tolerating it.”

“Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and imagine that your stress and fear are standing in front of you. If you had to name them something, what would it be?” Pause. “Rat –On-A-Wheel.” “OK. Client, shake hands and say hello to Mr. Rat –On-A-Wheel.

Her giggle surprised me. “What about Mr. Rat makes you giggle?” He’s a sneaky, ugly little rat, like a cartoon character.”

“Is this cartoon rat running your life? I queried. “Heck no,” she said strongly.

I asked my client to stand up, take a bow, and give herself a round of applause.  Mr. Rat and I clapped and cheered.

“Why are we applauding?” she asked. 

You are applauding yourself. You just stood up to this Mr. Rat character who was trying to run your life. You’re giggling at him.  How cool is that? Whoo hoo to you!

Mr. Rat’s applauding because he’s relieved. He’s truly is a rat and he’s tired of you and ready to move on.

I’m applauding because you’ve just managed your own fear, and you can do it again.

Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Use these simple steps anytime to take your life back when fear, despair, and stress take over.

1. Acknowledge and release your emotions.  

• Explore your feelings honestly. What’s your truth?
• Release them: Write them down,  have a pretend conversation with them, share with someone else.
• Applaud yourself for your courage when you’re done.

2. Create a persona for the feelings and get curious.

• What does this persona want and need? Does it really want to be doing what it’s doing?
• Applaud yourself for your curiosity.

3. Decide what you want to happen next.

• Take one small step to get started, like asking for help.
• Applaud yourself for making the choice and taking the first step.

Right now, I challenge you to pick one thing, take these steps, and tell us if it works for you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Breast cancer survivor, professional life coach, award-winning author, and inspirational speaker Paula Holland De Long ACC, CPCC  is an authority on how the lessons of survivorship can bring joy, passion and purpose to anyone's life. Her personal battle with cancer inspired her to found  What’s Next For My Life, Inc., whose self-guided cancer journals, workshops, and support products are offered directly to patients and at cancer treatment centers and support organizations. Email  paula@WhatsNextForMyLife.com or visit WhatsNextForMyLife.com.

All my life, I have been the “fixer or caretaker”.  It was my job from a young age to take care of everyone else in my life, and I thought my needs didn’t matter!  Early on, I put on my “superwoman” cape and set out to take care of the world.  I could leap tall buildings, was faster than a speeding bullet and did it all with a smile on my face.  However, at night, I would “fall into bed”, exhausted, overwhelmed, overworked and angry, because there was no time for me!

When I had my health scare six years ago, I begin to learn what “self-care” was about and I knew that I  really needed  to take care of me.  I did a good job for a while, and then the old patterns kicked back in, and I “defaulted” back to what I knew best, taking care of others.

As women, we are taught from an early age, that it’s our job to take care of everyone else in our lives first.  If we do anything for ourselves, we are “taking time away” from our families, our friends, our spouses, our kids, our jobs, our pets, everything!  How selfish is that….NOT at all.  This is an “old wives tale” that we must change.   If we don’t take care of ourselves first, love who we are and do things that  make us happy,  we CANNOT take care of others. 

These are a few simple things that I have learned, and have worked for me.   I wanted to share them with you so that you can join me on this new “self-care” journey: 

1. ME  TIME – Take some quiet time each day just for you.   Add it to your calendar, do it sometime during the day,  but be sure and find the time.  This is just for YOU to do anything you want to do.  I started with 10 minutes and that was hard at first.   Be sure and keep your appointments with YOURSELF everyday!
2. SUPPORT – I had missed my girlfriends, and had not taken the time to get together, do something fun, have lunch, or just enjoy their company.  Find your support group and do at least one fun activity with them.    This is so critical for taking of YOU!!!
3. LEARN TO SAY NO – That was one of the hardest ones for me, but I finally learned that “when you say yes to something, you are automatically saying no to something else”.  So, think about what is important to you, and start to say no.  When something is not a “clear yes”, I am learning to say, “let me get back to you on that”.    That gives me time to think about my answer. 

There is an old coaching term, and I love it……”put the oxygen mask on YOU”.  They don’t say on the airplane, “put the oxygen mask on your children first”.   What I realized is that unless I take care of myself first, I cannot be there for anyone else.   I am just too depleted to be able to support  or help in any way.  However, it’s very hard to see that in ourselves.  That’s what this is such an important step for all of us to take. 

I have traded in my “superwoman cape” for the “oxygen mask”, and I am learning to take care of me, love myself, and truly celebrate who I am.  It’s a “work in progress” for me,  and I still fall into my “default”, but I am learning.  Come and join me and take off your cape too! 

I would love to hear about you and your journey and support you in any way that I can, so let me know how you are doing.  You can reach me at   darlene@darlentempleton.com. 

Please contact me to find out how we can design a customized coaching program that exactly fits your  needs and develop a plan for your personal and professional success.   I look forward to hearing from you. 

http://darlenetempleton.com/coaching/individual-coaching/

About the Author:

Darlene Templeton, the transformation and transition coach and leadership expert.

Darlene Templeton is the CEO and founder of Templeton & Associates.  She is a corporate “escapee”,  a professional coach, speaker, and author.   She specializes in transformation and transition specifically for those who want to make a greater impact personally and professionally while rekindling their passion and drive for life.  Darlene engages, inspires and empowers women  who are overworked and overwhelmed, helping them to put more time back into their lives, so that can do the things that they truly  love.

Darlene lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, John.  She loves spending time with her family and her four grandchildren. 

One of the best things about exercise is that it can be relaxing and energizing at the same time. Women in recovery are often fighting stress and fatigue. Increasing energy levels and reducing stress are very important. A proper exercise routine can allow women to gain independence and allow for emotional empowerment.

It is not unreasonable that fatigue can continue for months, if not years, after treatment. Doctors have found that for some women particularly if they're symptomatic from Taxol (chemical name- palitaxel) they've received and if they have muscle aches and joint pain many of those tensions can contribute to the feeling of fatigue. Ironically, most women find the more you rest the more fatigued you get.

We know that physical activity after treatment can not only improve fatigue, but it definately has significant pyschological benefits. Women with breast cancer or who are recovering from breast cancer who engage in physical activity feel better, feel more resilient and are less depressed. There is a definate link between physical energy and psychological resilience.

Success Tips to Overcome Fatigue and Speed Up Recovery 

1. Create a Workout Program. It is very important to commit to a workout plan as soon as possible. Put on your schedule some form of physical activity 5 days a week for at least 20-30 minutes a day minimum. You can walk, run, bike, or take a fitness class at your local gym. Pilates is also one of the most effective ways to strengthen your muscles, increase mobility and increase stamina after surgery.

2. Focus on your Breathing. Deep breathing from your diaphragm is essential for women in recovery. It is enlivening, stress reducing and works the core muscles.

3. Get Moving. A great benefit to exercise is that moving muscles also moves lymph fluids. This helps keep lymph from building up and possibly causing lymphedema, one of the significant risk of breast cancer surgery. Here is a special gift from me to you; my "Clarity and Inspirational" Exercise Video. Watching this video is a great way to start your day!  Enjoy! Watch Video

4. Hire a Professional. For some, motivation is the issue. In this case, hiring a personal trainer or working with a fitness expert can be the perfect solution. Working with a professional one on one can ensure you are not only "safely" challenged, but also guided and motivated. It is also very important that you have the accountability aspect. If you are unable to hire a professional, due to the expense involved, get a friend or an "exercise buddy" to workout with to be your cheerleader and motivator. Having someone there physically with you supporting you and cheering you on could be a great motivator.

5. Journal Your Results.   It is important to keep track of your progress on a daily basis. Be sure to keep an exercise log or journal that documents day and length of time of exercise, what type of exercise and where/with whom you exercised. Be sure to reward yourself for your hard work!  

I wish you much success on your exercise program. Please let me know if I can assist you in any way. Megan's email

*Disclaimer: Always check with your medical doctor before starting any new exercise program.

Find out how you can have Megan create a Customized Pilates at Home Workout just for you; based on your posture, body type and physical needs. Click Here 

About the Author:

Megan Tull "The Transformation Coach"

Life and Wellness Coach/Pilates and Fitness Expert

 Megan is a wife, a mother, entrepreneur, public speaker and author. She owns two companies, Silverlining Concepts, LLC and Ultimate Bodies Pilates. She is a Life and Wellness Coach and Certified Peak Pilates Instructor/Fitness Expert. She customizes personalized packages to assist women in transforming their mind and bodies. Her specialty and her passion is to empower women with individual and group Life and Wellness Coaching to live authentic, joyful lives focusing on selfcare life balance and life purpose. Megan's website

So, this post is going to talk about intercourse – IF you are under 18, don’t read…just FYI.
One thing I have noticed with this whole cancer gig is that no one really ever talks about the things we want to talk about – actually I have noticed that in life – we all pretend everything is great, life is great, there are no hardships – but there are hardships and sometimes things just suck and need to be talked about.
SO here goes – I haven’t been physically able to have intercourse since last May.  It hurt so bad I thought I was going to cry.  Then I just gave up on trying. I want to be able to have relations with my husband.
There had been a lot of talk on the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls site about lubrications and how we all (us cancer girls) thought this was our problem – no hormones mean no lubrication. Then one of our fellow cowgirls told us she went to pelvic floor physical therapy.  At first, I was like what in the h*ll are you talking about.  She and I are friends, so I messaged her to ask her some questions. I asked if the PT would “help” me out and was rolling laughing as I typed this to her! Gina asked me if she was going to relive my hysteria – if you have read The Birth House you will know what this means.
Oh, it was all a good laugh to me and my friends.  Then I went to lunch with my friend, and I asked her more about it.  She told me it wasn’t weird – it was just like going to gyno and it was just another appointment.  I decided what the heck – I needed help.
So, I emailed my Dr. to get an Rx for it.  Who knows what she thought after my email – I rambled on that I needed to go to s*x therapy and needed an Rx for it and one of my friends went, who isn’t her patient but another Dr. and blah, blah, blah.  She wrote back – here is an Rx for Pelvic Floor PT – sweet, I was in!
My first appointment was last week.  Sara, my PT, was awesome.  She is very personable, explained everything to me and made me not feel like a complete weirdo for needing to be there. She explained that so many times people think painful s*x is a lube problem and WAY too many times, people think there is nothing to be done about it. But she assured me there is something to be done.  When I left last week, I joked and said, yeah, I am fixable!! She told me I am completely fixable.
A good tip for you women out there – use Coconut Oil for lubrication…cheap, easy and healthy!
So, my homework is to use dilators daily to expand me.  She told me I might need to do this for 2-3 months…I guess it is true what they say, use it or lose it.
This week when I went she did a deep tissue massage on the fibers of the body that are all connected (no, I can’t remember the name and google isn’t helping me any).  She massaged my lower abdomen and inner thighs and it freaking HURT.  She told me it wouldn’t feel good and it would leave bruising and yeap, it did.  This is to help “break up” the tissue and make it more expandable. 
From now on, she said she would do the deep tissue massage, and then when I am ready, I will start working on Kegels.
I am super excited though because I was telling Dr. H’s nurse last week about this (I am first patient they have sent there) and she asked me today how it was going and that she wanted to start sending more people there – I think this totally needs to be an option for women and not just be told to use an estrogen cream and “relax”.

My breast cancer was discovered in 2008. A double mastectomy and chemotherapy followed.  I thought my life was over before it ever really began.  I struggled to find the strength to face my disease and endure treatment. 

My mother bought me a pack of seeds and a pink gardening kit.  I was unimpressed.  I lived in an apartment and I had cancer.  I wasn’t in the mood to take on a new hobby, especially one that might involve bugs. Undeterred, my mom planted the seeds.  

So as not to disappoint her, I half-heartedly followed her instructions. After a few weeks, I found myself looking forward to the progression of the seedlings.  I was fascinated by the ability of the sprouts to rise out of the dark dirt and reach toward the sun.   As I neared the end of my treatment, the flowers began to bloom.   I rejoiced in the blossoms as I rejoiced at the declaration that I was cancer free.

The ravages of chemo are behind me and, now, I find inspiration in the beauty of flowers.  I own a house with a little garden.  It reminds me that even during the darkest days my soul reached toward the sun. Toward life.  This year, my beautiful baby girl, whose adoption is almost final, will sit next to me while I tend to my flowers.   And my mom? She couldn’t be happier for her daughter, a cancer survivor and a gardener.

-Donna Helmes, Member of www.BeyondtheBoobieTrap.com

Currently Donna is working with a local hospital to add a Flower Power Cancer Community Garden to their outdoor space. To learn more about Flower Power, Inc. please message Donna Helmes on Facebook.